New Bicycle

It’s 37°C today, so naturally, I took some PTO in order to finally make time to put together my new bicycle in the blazing heat.¹ I special-ordered a Trek Dual Sport 3 Gen 5 in May, back when the weather was nice. They shipped it to me in a big box that showed up two days later with a mostly assembled bicycle inside. It came with all the necessary tools, too. All I had to do was attach the front wheel, handlebars, and pedals, then adjust the height of the seat, and it was done.² The entire process took about an hour, but I could do another in fifteen or twenty minutes now that I know how.³

I finished the assembly around two in the afternoon and figured that would be an excellent time to go on my first bike ride in seven years. It was very hot, but the humidity was manageable. I think I rode a half mile? Maybe a mile? I’m not sure. It wasn’t far. The important thing is I didn’t die. I don’t know how I let seven years go by without even one bike ride, but my buttocks are not pleased with my negligence. They should have said something sooner.

Watch "The Adverts - Bored Teenagers" on YouTube

Footnotes

1. Splitting infinitives? Don’t talk to me about splitting infinitives. Let me tell you about splitting infinitives. Or maybe let this guy tell you about splitting infinitives. ↩

2. Well, that and find time. Finding time was difficult. And then it rained a lot, so I had to find time when it wasn’t raining, which was even more difficult. ↩

3. This does not count the time spent breaking down and bundling up all the cardboard packaging to put out with the trash. ↩