Twenty Twenty-Five, Incoming

December 31, 2024, 12:00 AM EST

Man walking in the opposite direction pointed to by a One Way sign.

Blow ye winds, Like the trumpet blows; But without that noise.

— Jack Handey

We’re heading into the new year. I suspect this will be a wild one, politics being as they are the world over, and, not least of all, as they are at home. Historians of the future needn’t dig so deep to figure out how we got here. For the last fifteen years, most of us have been living our best shadow lives online, spending countless hours arguing with Russian troll farms and Web Bots over the identity politics of video games and Disney movies,¹ ostracizing our neighbors for siding with the wrong TV network, and competing to see which of us can die on the dumbest hills the most often. Meanwhile, a handful of Industrialists have captured ever more influence and control over our wasted lives. We sure showed them.

And now, without much further ado, and in no particular order, I will publicly overshare my resolutions for the year 2025 so they may be indexed and analyzed by AI-powered web crawlers on behalf of police states and human resources departments everywhere, ever vigilant in their global war on thoughtcrime, sharing of salaries, and the insidious rise of consensus reality among the proles.²

Catch up on My Medical and Dental

I’m at an age where a lot of annoying medical and dental “stuff” needs dealing with asap, or things are likely to go badly over the next ten to twenty years—and matters only get worse from there. Tests and procedures are involved. They’re expensive and inconvenient. I have to repair a bunch of teeth I broke, grinding them from stress caused by my previous job.³ I need to manage my cholesterol, but I can’t tolerate statins, so there’s a challenge.⁴ My heartburn has to be controlled better because, apparently, agita causes cancer.⁵ And the doctor absolutely insists I get a camera up my bum this year, but that’s a twofer because they’ll want to put a camera down my gullet to check in on my indigestion while they’re at it.⁶

Get Physically Fit

I’m in okay shape for my age. I wouldn’t say I’m in good shape by any means, but I’m not a hot mess. All the same, I need to make it a top priority to get properly fit if I can manage it. You know, like with muscles you can see, even when I’m wearing a shirt, and the ability to touch my toes, etc. If I don’t set sufficiently challenging goals for myself, I won’t stick to them. However, when I put my mind to something clearly unrealistic, I hang in there doing my best for years before eventually failing. I figure all that trying will set me up with a good foundation for the near future of imminent decline. I should find a personal trainer who specializes in helping creaky old men creak less.

My immediate social circle has grown thin, threadbare even, and I can’t think of anyone I know nearby who shares an enthusiasm for the things that excite me.⁷ This situation is unlikely to fix itself. When I first moved back to the city, around 2018, I had many friends here. We went out lots. Then the pandemic struck, and by the end of 2021, everyone had scattered off to suburbs near and far. Meeting new people has been a difficult. During the worst of the pandemic, there weren’t many places to socialize, but even after the dread RTO began, people didn’t hang out after work like we used to in the Beforetimes. I don’t blame them. Frankly, I’m still not excited by the idea of crowded bars and coffee shops. I’d love to go to some concerts, but I have tinnitus now, making sustained loud volumes, the clanking of silverware on ceramic dishes,⁸ and certain timbres physically painful. I’ll probably have to join a club or take some night classes or something to broaden my interpersonal horizons in a quiet setting of mutual interests.

Move to a New Apartment

I gotta get out of here! Well, it’s not really so bad… anymore. After years of lockdowns, protests, riots, sprawling homeless encampments, failure (refusal) to prosecute criminals, and silent police strikes, the city is slowly on the mend. Be that as it may, Agnes⁹ and I have outgrown this apartment. And the place is falling apart. Landlords aren’t famous for fixing up units while people are still in them. My landlord is no different, and six years is a lot of wear and tear on a place that should have been repainted way back when I first moved in. I’d like to live somewhere with more space. A second bedroom to serve as an office would be grand. And better light for my plants. Someplace without traffic constantly honking at my front window¹⁰ because mostly, mostly, I want some peace and quiet.¹¹

Learn to Use Generative AI Effectively

I know many of you fear and loathe AI. I get it. People also feared steam-powered looms, trains, and telephones.¹² I’m familiar with the various criticisms you’re likely to hear from knuckleheads on Bluesky and TikTok. I’m also aware of far greater concerns and risks discussed by people actively working in the field. In retrospect, civilization’s wholesale adoption of computers was a huge mistake and will get us all killed. For better and for worse, the steam-powered looms won out, and Artificial Intelligence is the inevasible future. I’m not quite old enough to get away with obstinately ignoring the changing times, uncertain and fraught with danger though they may be. It was never my idea to live through History with a capital aitch, but here I am… resolving to try my best.

🥳 Happy New Year!

Including, but not limited to, The Marvel Comic Universe, Star Wars, and various live-action remakes of animated classics. ↩
Well, there’s also a pop-sci recommendation to share your intention to make or break habits. It’s supposed to create a sense of accountability or identification, or something along those lines. Plus, this post will be a great conversation starter on job interviews!¹³ ↩
I’ve been working on getting my teeth fixed for years now, but something always interrupts the process. ↩
Whatever you’re thinking of suggesting about Mediterranean diets, egg yolks oozing good cholesterol, and OTC bean powder supplements, it won’t help. I have a genetic thing going on. ↩
When I was growing up, the television would have me believe cigarettes were the root cause of all the cancer in the world. As it turns out, indigestion, car exhaust, warts, and that glass of red wine in the evenings that you pretend is good for your heart are all gunning for us, too. One would never have guessed as much back in the 20th century. ↩
I’m pretty sure they use two different cameras. ↩
Certainly, I have friends and increasingly more family in the immediate area, but we do not find joy in the same places. ↩
It’s quite specific. ↩
Agnes is the monstera deliciosa living with me. She was about a foot and a half tall when she was delivered two or three years ago. She’s now six feet tall and ready to hit the dating apps. ↩
I don’t know what happened to drivers’ brains during lockdown, but it seems everyone decided it’s good and fine to lay on the goddamn horn over every little thing. ↩
But not too quiet, because then I’d hear the nonstop ringing in my ears. ↩
They may have been right about the phones. ↩
I am actively not looking for a job at this time. ↩